i’m sick of moving blogs.

but ill give it a try.

www.stepstowards.tumblr.com

Today every one of my friends is voting in the 2010 federal election.
And because I was too lazy to send any of my forms in, I don’t get to vote.

I didn’t think it would bother me this much. but I wish I took the time to fill in some stupid forms because now I’m missing out on my chance to have my say.

I hate the future of this country is out of my control.

i feel completely and utterly alone.
lost.
trapped.
defeated.

angry.

]]> http://onegirlathousandwords.wordpress.com/2010/08/20/on-the-negative/feed/ 0 katilexis Regret_by_Shindemo http://onegirlathousandwords.wordpress.com/2010/08/16/broken-hearted/ http://onegirlathousandwords.wordpress.com/2010/08/16/broken-hearted/#comments Sun, 15 Aug 2010 15:30:36 +0000 Girl http://onegirlathousandwords.wordpress.com/?p=702 ]]>

i have so much love for some people. i give all my love to them, and they discard it like a piece of rubbish. i’m disgusted. but far more hurt.

i wish i had a strength in me to tell those people straight to their faces, just so they know how hurt i am. i’m sick of just being here, waiting and waiting for them to love me back.

tonight a friend of mine called me, and i thought maybe he wanted to hang out. turns out my mum was looking for me and asked him to contact me to find out where i was, that’s all.

there’s pictures on facebook of a bunch of them hanging out and whatever. and yep that fucking hurts too. thanks for the invite cunts.

the clincher is the one girl i loved more than anything, she never makes the effort to see me or talk to me. they both don’t. pretty sure they only wanted me for one thing, and now it’s not possible, so i guess they just forgot about me. and now that shit’s going down, she turns to me for a second. and i’m still here for her, that’s the shit thing. i’m too forgiving.

but i never forget. and that’s why im still hurting.

today im angry because i dont get to go to the snow. because someone changed the weekend and then changed it back, and now i have to work.

i’m also angry that the car is sitting right in my driveway and NO ONE left the key so i have to catch a fucking taxi to work.

i’m angry that my boss made me take out my lip piercings because theyre swollen again, and i have to go buy more metal balls because i lost them when i took them off.

i’m angry that i couldve bought an iphone off someone a while ago and they straight out ignored me when i asked about it.

i’m angry that people can just exclude me and ignore me and when they need me, im quite happily there for them anyway, no matter what they put me through.

i’m angry at myself for crashing my car. i wouldnt be so much mess if i didnt crash that fucking car. i’d have money, i’d be able to buy a new iphone without any trouble. i’d be able to get places. i wouldn’t feel so restricted.

i’m angry at myself for wrecking my iphone. and for not getting insurance.
and i’m angry that no one could fix it.

i’m plain just FUCKING ANGRY. i want to fucking smash something. i dont want to fucking go to work today. i HATE WORK. it fucking sucks.

ajrh;bgakuwbrkjawe/rkuha/irajfbnkvjbaiuuhsjgajhdgjfahsgdjfh

my head’s a mess.

oh, and on a completely unrelated topic, fuck you

now it doesn’t bother me as much, either that or i’ve learnt to shut off my brain and deal with what i’ve got.
i was drunk last night and looked in the mirror, and thought to myself, well hey, this isn’t too bad.

i see a girl who’s young at heart, who’s cheeky and fun and a bit damaged.
but i also see myself as strong.

i will be okay

Opal I guess.

or Tracey. or Bronte.

i’d say one person in particular though is TimmyB because he invited me to his 18th.
and then i met some awesome people.
and they’ve all changed my life. for better or worse.

she was really friendly. we chatted for ages and she gave me and Scotty an expensive lapdance for almost nothing.

hope her plan to run away worked alright.