lifechanging.
I’ve had a few things to ponder lately.
One thing that’s been weighing on my mind is uni… I’m deffering next semester and maybe the semester after… but that’s not the problem. I’m not sure if i really want to do psychology anymore.
I’ve started to lose faith in the profession. I don’t really see what they do. They don’t fix anything really… they’re just there for people to talk to and bounce ideas off… Psychologists don’t have answers, they only help find out what is wrong with you, and then you go and get medication. What’s the point..? Idk… Just seems like a big false thing.. I could be a psychologist already without the 6 years study.
Another thing is change. I got a formspring comment today about having not changed…
But the thing is I was never told what I should change, I’ve changed a lot, but maybe not in the way people want me to. I think I’m fine now the way I am. I’m making sensible decisions and stuff, I havent had meaningless (or any) sex in a month and I don’t plan to until I find someone decent. That’s what I wanted to change.
What did YOU want me to change?
My ex wanted to change my very soul. My depression, my spontanuity, my personality…
I drink occasionally. Not gonna change.
I smoke occasionally. Not gonna change.
I try new things. Not gonna change.
Another thing is love.
I know I’ve said it, but I would love a boyfriend… or even a girlfriend… I think I’m just used to the idea of getting a boyfriend because I’ve never been with a girl before. Either way, I want someone to give my love to.
I wana get back into music. Maybe learn guitar a bit more. I wrote a song the other day, for the first time in years. Idk if it was good, I don’t care. I enjoyed it. And I dont enjoy too many things.
I’m determined to lose weight. I’m sick of being a fat fuck. Gaining weight by the minute. I seriously eat more than anybody does in a whole day…bingeing again… I sat in the shower today, sick of my throat hurting and sick of the foul taste of stomach acid. So enough’s enough, I’m gonna start going to the gym, walking places and eating less/healthy again.
I miss being the tiny, cute one. My friend used to call me “dainty”. I’m hardly dainty anymore. I will get it back.
That is all for tonight.
Bye.
