guilt.
to me, guilt feels like someone is twisting my insides.
its an uneasiness i just can’t shake off.
an anxiousness that weighs on my heart and makes it beat harshly and unevenly.
it’s all i can think about. it drives my to the point of insanity, until i want to rip my skin open and tear it out of me.
i just want it gone.
i’ve done some fair horrible things, and i have to live with this feeling.
i probably deserve it.
but it doesn’t make it any easier.
and it doesn’t take back what i did.
lately i’ve come back in contact with one person i hurt, and it’s killing me.
like karma.
he didn’t deserve what i did in the slightest.
my insides are twisting and i might snap in half.
the plunge.
i know i can do it.
i’m determined not to screw up.
it’s time to straighten up and fly right.
scary.
I’ve been looking for a relationship for a whole now, but to tell you the truth i’m a bit scared…
I’m scared of showing myself. Of making myself vulnerable.
I’m scared of getting myself hurt…
I want to say I miss you but I can’t bring myself to say it because I’m scared. I’m holding back… Mentally and physically because I am so afraid.
I’m scared that, I think about you enough to rid HIM from my mind. He’s gone, and you’re here…
Feeling something is scary.
paranoia.
Flanny’s was really not the place to be tonight.
I feel like an idiot sometime when I’m high. Like I’m not making sense. That I’m stumbling on my words, or I sound like a snob that doesn’t want to talk to people.
Ah. This is fucked. Something clicked for me tonight. I still care about her a lot.
I should stop thinking before I worry myself into depression.
… One of my eyelids refuses to open. That’s my cue to sleep.
irony.
i think life might be coming back to bite me in the ass.
and it really doesn’t care that i didn’t mean to cause any of this…
fuck.
i’m going to cry.
